25 Oct 2016

The Perfect Man: Who Is He?

The Perfect Man: Who Is He? on vickiarcher.com


The perfect man. Is there such a man?

I don’t think anyone is perfect, especially not me.


I would like to change the quote above and say, “someone who goes with me.”


Finding your perfect partner is about so many variables.

Firstly, we have to be clear, we most likely won’t find a perfect match and even one that might have seemed “perfect” can turn up a little imperfect after time.


Relationships are oftentimes about managing expectations. That’s where it gets tough.

We make presumptions (whether we know it or not) and assume the other person is on the same page. This is where we can get horribly out of step. Communication is the key to managing expectations and removing the question marks between two people; as we are well aware communication is one of the hardest tools to master.


If we could talk as openly between each other as we think in our minds then imagine the wires that wouldn’t cross and the games that might not get played. Alternatively, there may be too much honesty? Good communication comes with measures of truth and diplomacy.


The “someone who goes with me” is all about finding the balance.

Finding the one who makes “me” a better version of who I am is the “perfect” man. One who accepts me for me and forgives my eccentricities and loves me more for them.


The same can be said of friendship.

Great friends are made when the relationship results in feeling the best we can. When our best selves are in action, nothing can stop us and the friendships strengthen and grow deeper. ‘Non-perfect’ is when friendships make us feel negative about ourselves. I think we have all experienced those kinds of friendships and I believe we are of an age when we know better.



Who is the perfect man? Someone who goes with me needs to get me.

He needs to share my love of beauty, understand my passion for fashion and be patient when I re-arrange and change my mind over the small and the big things. He must share my love of all things French and forgive my uselessness when it comes to all things scientific. He must enjoy a romantic comedy and luxurious hours spent reading. Of course, he would comprehend my over zealous affair with the internet and identify with my inquisitiveness when it comes to the digital world. It’s an optional extra if he wants to indulge me and share my desire to learn multiple languages. It goes without saying he adores flowers and knows which ones go and which ones don’t.


On a more serious note, he is generous with his time, honest, patient and kind and most of all because he “gets” me he makes me a smarter, stronger, more courageous, funnier and happier woman.


Perfect most of all means the forgiveness of imperfections in another.


That is my perfect man.

I know you know what I am talking about. xv



 The Perfect Man Loves Navy

gwen midi  //  felicity & coco sheath  //  badgley mischka flutter sleeve  //  cashmere crew neck  //  rebecca taylor a-line



image and graphics ligne roset

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26 Comments

Taste of France

I know some perfect men–my brothers. They are model husbands and fathers as well as the best brothers I could ever have hoped for. They manage to do what you say above–forgive the imperfections in another–and to be strong not just physically but above all emotionally, for everybody in their lives, even for the kids on the teams they coach. They’re my best friends.

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Vicki

What a gorgeous tribute to your brothers..
They sound as close to “perfect’ as can be… :)

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Mimi Gregor

It is impossible for perfection to exist. It is our flaws that give us our individuality. If something or someone is perfect — unflawed — then it has no individuality and would induce boredom over time. If it is boring, it is not perfect. Ergo, perfection cannot exist. QED.

Even someone who you consider “perfect” for you at one stage of your life may no longer be “perfect” at another point. Relationships are always in flux, and people’s interests change. sometimes they change in ways that bring them together, but it can also happen that they change in ways that drive them apart. Sometimes one person changes, and the other one doesn’t change at all, which can also present problems. I think back to a person who was my best friend back in the 80s and 90s. He stayed in that party hearty era of our lives and I moved on to a more domestic sort of life. Just as it’s important to de-clutter your home and your closet, sometimes you must de-clutter your relationships. If it doesn’t inspire joy to be with a person or to hear their voice on the phone, it is best to sever ties so that you can both move on to people you are more in tune with.

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Stephanie

I promised myself that I didn’t have time today to be on the Internet…but this caught my eye…Perfection in a Man…I am not sure at what age I had the realization that my husband wasn’t Perfect. But…I am sure it was around the same time I realized that I wasn’t either. I think all of us have a “Perfect” Model of what we want that Man to be (BTW Your “Perfect” Man sounds Wonderful Vicki).
After 38 years of marriage, four children and one Adorable Granddaughter I would take All my Husband’s flaws and do it All over again. I have been Very Blessed and I am thankful for this. So, do I think a Perfect Man exists…No…but then at 64 I am just hoping that My Man knows much he is loved and appreciated! And that he continues to bring me that lovely bouquet of flowers each week and tells me he loves me! Wonderful post, Vicki!❤️

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Angela Muller

I, too, think my brother is as close to perfect as they come…for his wife, his children, his friends, our parents, and me! He is just a great human being. As for choosing the perfect man, honesty during dating is essential. Young lovers may be reluctant to discuss money, children, sex, and those pesky expectations but those discussions are critical. Even with all of that, we sometimes get less than we hoped for. Several years ago, I read an interesting study. Two thousand married women were asked if they would marry the same man again. An astounding 60 percent said “no”, 25 percent said “yes” and 15 percent were no sure. So much for finding a true love!

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Vicki

I married at a young age and truthfully we never discussed any important subjects! We knew each other well, life was simple and I think we had bling faith… How lucky we are it worked out.. I don’t think it is quite as simple anymore…

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Rosanne

My husband is perfect for me. He continues to amaze me over the years and I fall in love all over again time and time again. I am grateful that I am in a place in my life to cherish my blessings and to not take love for granted. He is the love of my life!

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Candice

My husband. He would come home from work and hand me a little box .. a little blue box as the years went by but in the beginning, sometimes it was a trip to Bendels where I was invited to look for something I like. I married him when I was 21. He was older. I am now widowed and as sad as I am, I have so many years of love and happiness to remember, and I am thankful I married so young.

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Vicki

Such precious memories, Candice… I am so very sorry he is no longer around to share in your life but how wonderful to have had so many happy years together…

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Vicki

Thank you, Heather… I try never to take mine for granted (guilty sometimes obviously) and not be too annoying (I know I am but he is far too smart to say) ;)

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Missi

So much goes into having a good relationship. I concur with everyone here. Just an added item or two would be shared values (religion/money/children) and truly accepting the person exactly as they are right now. My husband and I both said we had dated others who we hoped would change. Don’t count on it! Ha!

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Mary-Jill

I’d like to share another point of view. At 17, I met my perfect man. We married and had four children; after 35 years of marriage, he left. I was 55 at the time. I was truly devastated; I literally cried for about 4 years! I did! One day I decided I didn’t want to feel sad anymore and from that point – very slowly – the ‘teachers’ appeared and I began to ‘work’ on myself. After many frustrating tears, journaling, reading and listening, I discovered that I couldn’t change his mind or his actions, but I could change my own – probably logical to many, but for me, having relied on someone for so long – yes I was needy – it was a BIG discovery; and it took an even BIGGER leap of faith to actually accept and to then find the courage to implement those changes. We came from very different backgrounds and I learnt that we both brought to the marriage our own inherent beliefs and as time went by and we both matured, we simply didn’t have the tools, to change those beliefs, which would have allowed us to adjust to the challenges in our lives. 13 years later I’m happy. I’ve learnt to stand on my own two feet, to make DECISIONS and I am completely responsible for myself for the first time in my life. I truly believe it had to turn out the way it did – he set me free to discover my own path. But you couldn’t have told me that 13 years ago! I used to say I could never trust another man with my heart; I don’t know what the ‘perfect’ man or the ‘perfect’ relationship looks like (but I’d sure use your tips Vicki to give me a heads up!) … but lately, at 67, slowing down a little as my body and life in general, changes again and moves towards the next phase, I don’t know … perhaps, being comfortable in my own skin at last, I might find the courage to take a leap of faith into a relationship (if it appears) and be content to just ‘see where it goes’. Thanks for the post Vicki. Mary-Jill x

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Melissa

My perfect man found me the day I started university at the tender age of 17. For him it was love at first sight, for me it took a day to know that he was the one. Our love has just grown, strengthened and matured as we have come to know and value each others gifts and talents and this has given us a great respect for each other. My perfect man, my husband, is in my eyes a True Gentleman. He treats everyone with respect and generosity, he is amazingly intelligent and is constantly trying to improve his skills. He has just released a new invention, with 3 others in development and one in it’s infancy. He is a fabulous father, always willing to spend lots of time with his boys, taking them camping, fishing, skiing and later scuba diving, all of which we do as a family. As a husband he is thoughtful, kind, romantic, loving, generous and loves spending time with me. We will usually order the same food and wines even if we don’t know what the other ordered. We love the same music, we share the same values. I know it is silly, but I still feel a quiver of happiness when I pass his car in the hospital staff car park and know that he is somewhere there. I know that he isn’t perfect, and indeed I love it when he does something stupid and imperfect like scrape the car! He is however a perfect fit for me, and I hope that I am a perfect fit for him. We are now in our early 50s and still deeply in love with each other.

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Marsha

My “perfect” man is Sean Connery!
Since I couldn’t have him I married someone very much like him, a true gentleman, a man who could do anything, never got ruffled, and loved me to death. I was very very happy and very very lucky !

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Travis brown

Vicki … you are both sweet and eloquent to talk about me this way, but a little embarrassing that it is so PUBLIC! I mean, we haven’t even met! Perhaps we should take this offline? Write a note to me, fold it into an origami sailboat, float it on the fountain pond in the Tuileries closest to Place de la Concorde, and let it sink. Then I will always know where to find it.

T

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Kim

I love reading this post of yours. I feel very happy with my husband, because I think we both try everyday to be a better companion for each other in some measure. We are in each other’s corner, in a manner of speaking. When I am even in the same room with him, life feels more fun and sweet and calm. Long before I got married, I saw an older couple in their seventies at an event. The woman was playing the piano at someone’s home, and her husband arrived later. When he walked into the room, he greeted her with a tender and loving smile, and she did the same for him. It was a distinctive moment for me to notice and that moment impressed me and has remained with me. Oh, the power of a great moment and great example! I knew then that I wanted to marry a man who would greet me that way and even after so many, many years of marriage. There’s much more I could write about my perfect man, including our frequent love notes/ and just plain notes, but one of the things I really LIKE about my husband is that he is lives on the sunny side of life, and his observations can make me laugh, even when things are tough.

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Deborah

My perfect man came into my life 44 years ago while we were both in college. He was the most loving, caring, truthful, and handsome man I had ever seen and he still is today. I am as in love with him today as I was those many years ago! He is always the same, and has patience of Jobe! We have had our moments believe me, but you will never find a more genuine man and is as truthful to a fault! I thank God for blessing me with Him! That is why he is my perfect man!

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Our French Oasis

My husband is definitely my perfect man. He is kind and funny and forgiving. He would do anything to help anyone, he is a fantastic father to our five children and the most wonderful husband one could ever have wished for and he is my absolute best friend.

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Ainsivalavie

My perfect man was 6ft to my 5ft, he was French and European to my English/North American..our backrounds were wildly different he was raised by emigré show business parents my upbringing based in scholarly upper middle class pursuits. He was 10 years older and divorced twice, I was cashmere to his rough wool..The world stopped when he walked into a room, he commanded it! When he spoke with that silken lion voice people listened, they stood up straighter and paid attention, he was born to direct and he did. I loved him with all my heart and soul. One year ago he passed and my world will never be the same. Celine Dion when speaking of her late husband was asked if she would ever fall in love again she stated simply “I am still in love with René, he is still my husband. I go to bed with him every night” That is exactly how I feel. I have met, loved and been loved by my soul mate. He was far from perfect, but he was perfect for me.

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