Will You Be My Valentine?

I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, we never have.

It is not because I don’t whole-heartedly believe in love and all the angst that goes with it, I do. Valentine’s Day was simply not the deal it is today. There were the occasional “secret” cards but by the time I was well and truly in love, it wasn’t our thing.

The question of Valentine and Cupid and all that, does give me pause to ponder. If nothing else Valentine’s Day and the celebration of it makes me think about love; my love and all kinds of love. Valentine’s Day is a focus for couples and a day to mark the union of love; love for me is a 24/7 and 365 days a year deal. It is also a moment when I reflect and try to focus on self.

I don’t like the expression, “self-love”; there is something not quite right sounding in the combination of those two words. I do believe healthy, happy and profound relationships with others come about when we understand ourselves and accept ourselves. Spending time working on our self is as important as the emphasis that goes into our lives as a couple or a family.

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I don’t think I understood this in my early years; it was all or nothing.

Love had to go around and love was in high demand. There was romance and children and friendships and home making and careers; time spent on the self was non-existent or minimal at best. It is only now, with a more mature head and a few decades of loving that I see the importance of this.

Can you see where I am headed? I thought so. This year, I am my own Valentine.

This year, I want to focus not only on my true love but also on myself. I will try and concentrate on the small and insignificant that matter to me and on the bigger, to ensure a future with long lasting and more meaningful relationships.

The small focuses are the hardest; habits of a lifetime are ingrained and the practised excuses part of our history. Changing those will be a challenge; I am up for it but it does means forgiveness must be forthcoming and in abundance. No more blame; acceptance and responsibility, yes. Guilt is last year’s word and forgiveness is on top of the list.

Love and forgiveness so often go hand in hand.

And who is always the most difficult to forgive? Ourselves. But how can we change and be more loving, if we don’t forgive and wipe the slate clean? Many of us are our own worst critics.

That’s okay as long as criticism is in balance with an affirming pat on the back.

My own experience would tell me it is not an easy balancing act. There are copious quantities of, I wish I, I should have, why didn’t I, if only and imagine if, in my vocabulary. These nasty little nags are so familiar to be almost invisible. Danger lies here and ‘wishful thinking’ becomes negative. This is where forgiveness and a dose of Cupid need to take over.

My Valentine AKA me is focusing on me.

She will try and be exclusive and not lose focus. (That’s my biggest hurdle and the greatest struggle; go first and the rest will take care of itself. I know I have a solid groundwork and all my “other” loves are perfectly capable. I simply need to remember.)

She will be more forgiving and accepting; she will definitely be more rewarding. Note to self, order those little Valentine surprises ;) Actually, not kidding ;) 

She won’t criticise or become despondent if the habits of a lifetime don’t change overnight, but she will give it her best shot and be happy with this.

Cupid, you will be busy this year. xv