12 Feb 2019

Tell Me About The Younger Man

Tell Me About The Younger Man on vickiarcher.com


I’m curious about this.

Our last VA Book Club was a novel about a young man and an older woman – it was written from his perspective – it’s a good read but more than that it was thought-provoking. I met and married young, we are much the same age and still together so my experience is not with the younger man.


When I was younger I considered the “older” man to be the desirable option and was convinced my path would be with someone years my senior. Obviously this was not to be, fortunately for me, as I could not have made a better nor happier choice.


Now I am older I can see the merits of dating someone younger. I haven’t but I get it. Especially for women and men. Many women, as they age, become smarter funnier, more self-assured and full of confidence. I see the appeal of an older woman; those qualities are very alluring and attractive. Who doesn’t want to spend time with someone like that?


Does this happen in the same way for men? 

Some men slow up as they age. They have had their successes, their careers have established and in their minds, they are winding down. Not so for women. Many men want to retire, step away and take it easy; women want to up the pace, re-invent themselves and get going. If you think about it this way, I can see the appeal of reversing tradition and why opposite ages attract.


I have friends who have very successful histories with younger partners. Do these relationships sustain and last? Or are Mrs Robinson’s short-lived in a young man’s life? My feeling is the dynamics between the sexes has changed and what was once considered “out there” is now much more commonplace and successful. Attitudes have shifted and men and women are more willing to push the boundaries, challenge themselves and enjoy less traditional relationships.



What do you think? Love your thoughts. xv




Date Night: Younger Or Older

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38 Comments

Tootsie

I read that Ann Bancroft was only a few years older than Dustin Hoffman when she made this film. The director “aged” her with make-up and lighting.

This was a memorable film in my youth. I re-watched it with my adult daughter, who was bored to death by it. Generation gap for sure!

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Vicki

I still love this film… and am about to re-watch.
I did laugh when I asked Amy to help me find a graphic to illustrate my words… and she had no idea what “The Graduate” was! She has homework tonight… To watch!! ;)

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Teddee Grace

Even younger men meet someone younger. Be prepared for it to end, but enjoy it while it lasts.

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Pamela Page

My husband is nearly 11 years younger than me; he had just turned 30 when we married. In many ways there is no age difference because we enjoy the same things but whenever there was a song or movie I’d ask where he was when it 1st came out and of course, he wasn’t even born! So some things are a bit strange when you don’t have a similar pasts but it’s a small price for a great guy. It helps immensely that while he is younger he is a mature man and not a “puppy”. At this time of life I am thinking of retirement and my second phase but he hasn’t “finished” his 1st phase so we’re out of sync but working on a mutual timeline that works for both of us. When I was younger I dated boys and then men of whatever age and I didn’t think anything of it. Age has never been my issue and I didn’t decide to marry a younger man but am glad I did – he can keep up with me! The only thing I don’t like about it is being called a cougar! Truly hate that.

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Vicki

Cougar is the worst term of all! No way you are that!!
It sounds like you hit the jackpot, Pamela :)

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Rebecca

My partner is 4 years younger than me and we make it work (both in our 20’s). In fact, he’s more mature than any older guy I’ve dated! We communicate and think of the other person. It’s wonderful.

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Vicki

That’s the way, isn’t it? Communication and generosity with each other always wins out :)

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Vicki

Thank you Lori!
Sorry… I don’t know what went wrong there… my operator error I’d say ;)
Linked now… it’s super cute.. I got a similar one for Christmas and I love it :)

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Michelle à Détroit

My husband is 8 years older than I am. I often think that if anything happened to him, that would be it for me in terms of relationships. One never knows, though. If I did get out there again, I would certainly consider dating a younger man. Not young enough to be my son younger, but somewhat younger. Why not?

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Vicki

Agree… and why not? I would if I was in the position.. well at least I hope I would not be age prejudiced. Like you, Michelle… if I were alone I would most likely stay that way.. but let’s never say never ;)

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Terry

I don’t think an age difference is significant unless it’s at least 10 years (for people in their twenties) or 15 years for thirties and up. A 25 year old man dating a 35 year old woman, or a 35 year old man dating a 50 year old woman. Wouldn’t work for me – I’m more attracted to my age cohort, and I have sons, so I tend to see younger men in that light. I would not be super happy if either of my sons brought home a woman 10-15 years older, because I feel they would miss formative experiences that are only shared by people at the same stage of life. But if one of them brought home a girl five years older, I’d be fine with it.

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Vicki

Yes, I think the bigger the age difference, the more complications there are… a 5-year gap is almost nothing but 15, that’s different. As always it depends on the individuals… Interesting thought… the son comparison…. That’s a tricky one!

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Mary

Married going on 27 years to someone 12 years younger (though we’ve been together a total of 34 years). I had four children from a previous marriage. Ours was his first marriage. Clearly, not your average guy. Were the early years easy? No. Hard to come in to a ready-made family with a history of doing things their own way, but we navigated the turbulence. I’m not sure any marriage is easy regardless of a partner’s age. But I am lucky. He is a dedicated family man and husband and I am very grateful for our years together.

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Vicki

I love your story Mary… What wonderful life you have built together and you say, no relationship is ever easy but a good one is hard to come by so working at it is all the more worthwhile. :)

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Ellen Shook

Look at the Macrons! And look at my husband and me. I am 17 years his senior, and we have been together for almost 30 years. He is five and a half years older than my son! We were viewed as quite the odd couple by all our very conventional relatives in the beginning, but they have all had to get over it. It is worth mentioning that we have been married longer than any of his siblings or mine. We really never think much about the age difference, and my son and my husband are good friends now, although that was probably the most difficult hurdle in the early days. I was driving my husband home from a root canal the other day when he started giving me “directions and helpful hints”, and before I thought about it, I said, “Listen dear, I was driving before you were born, so stop being a backseat driver!” Then we laughed. I would say being able to laugh has been crucial. I cannot imagine ever being with anyone else, and he says he feels the same. It is a great incentive to take good care of myself, I might add.

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Vicki

Wonderful Ellen! I love your driving “chat”… ha ha.. and yes, a sense of humour is everything… :)

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Jeanette

I think a marvellous example of a successful marriage with a huge age difference is the French President’s marriage. Brigitte Macron, wife of the President of France Emmanuel Macron, is 25 years older than her husband (as an aside, this is the same age difference between the President of the USA and his wife Melania). There is a very interesting article about her that is on line from the Guardian newspaper, to read it “Google The Guardian Why Brigitte is the most loved French First Lady for years”. She is also a wonderful promotion for French fashion. Go Girl!!

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Rosemarie

My first husband was two years older. We were young when we married and it didn’t work out. My second husband was six years younger. He was great fun and a wonderful person. I was well into my career, he was floundering with what he wanted to do. We divorced. My third husband was seven years younger. Our careers ran parallel and we thrived. He was outgoing, open minded, adventurous and I adored him. He died a few of years ago after 30 years of marriage. I didn’t look for younger men but, I found them more adventurous, creative and open than men my own age. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

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Vicki

I’m so sorry Rosemarie.. it sounds as if and your husband you were true soul mates… 30 years is a wonderful innings… and how amazing to have found him 3rd time lucky… The laws of attraction are what they are and obviously, creativity and adventure are important :)

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Mary

I’m seven years older than my husband and our age difference is the least important aspect of our marriage. We’ve been married for 16 years and our relationship is as fresh and satisfying as ever. Chronological age is just a statistic of how long we’ve been on the planet and has nothing to do with one’s mental age or what two people have in common.

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Vicki

The right way to look at it Mary… chronological age is different to emotional age is different from physical and intellectual age… Don’t you think?

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Chere

I’ve had long term relationships with gentlemen 12 yrs younger and up to 26 yrs older. Age was never an issue. We just were and age difference was part of our relationship. Lovely experiences BTW :)

As of yet, I’ve haven’t been inclined to date my own age -perhaps it’s because they seem familiar…

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Vicki

That’s an interesting way of looking at it Chere, it’s all I know … it is familiar but I don’t know if that is simply time or the age gap?

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anitapelayorivera

Oh, I’m terribly late on this one!

I LOVE this topic. I chuckled at the photo, for I love this movie on so many levels. However, on the topic….my father was 20 years older than my mother, and early on, I never liked that arrangement. I married someone only three years older than me, and we balance each other out. I do agree that we women, as we age, we DO become smarter, more confident, and in my case, develop a better sense of humor. And men? I have to agree that what I’ve seen so far, men do SLOW DOWN!!!!! Since I believe I’ve found my soulmate, I will probably never experience the dating-a-younger-man thing, but I’m sure happy where I’m at now.

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Linda B Kerr

I married a man 19 years my senior 24 years ago. Second marriage for both of us. We’ve had many good years together, done lots of travel and gotten along well (including good sex life) for quite a time. When he hit 80 his health started to decline and now, (he’s 84) while he is mentally in ok shape, physically he has slowed down tremendously. It’s much harder to travel. I don’t trust his driving (we got in an accident–his fault–last year, that was pretty scary) yet he passed his last test. I don’t want him to lose his license because then I would have to chauffer him around and I still work full-time at a job I like. It’s hard. Then there’s the difference in music tastes, which is annoying at times, and zero sex life. Do I regret marrying him? No. Do I love him? Dearly. I am trying to live in the present and not worry what may or may not come to pass. But I am afraid I do get resentful at times because at a very active 65 I am NOT ready to slow down, and (again), it’s hard.

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Vicki

Thank you, Linda, for your candour and I am sure it’s hard at times but we don’t choose who we love and we can’t turn it on and off. I have a girlfriend in the same situation… I agree, live in the moment and embrace the joys you find and the rest will take care of itself. :)

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Helen

Hello! When I was 43 I had a year+ relationship with a very mature 23 year old film student. I am 77, he is 57 happily married with three amazing children. We are still friends, I follow his success as writer, director, filmmaker and remember “I knew him when.”

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Vicki

Wonderful, Helen… the happiest of memories.
I admire those who stay in touch and in friendship with their past loves… very admirable :)

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Leah

My last BF was 12 years younger than me. My current BF is 20 years younger than me. They both have said the same thing, Age is just a number. I like younger guys for the obvious reasons…. they are funny and light hearted, they aren’t too set in their ways and they like to have fun. Guys my age and older are pretty much depressed shut ins who want a woman to take care of them. Young guys are my jam and I am going to enjoy it while I can!

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Samantha

I don’t think the age difference matters as much as the emotional maturity of the individuals themselves and how much they complement each other. I’m in my 30s and have met men in their 20s who easily are equally mature to 30-somethings year old men, despite not having accomplished as much etc. What irks me is the hypocrisy of people who judge and mock the older women/younger men relationships but easily accept the older men/younger women relationships.

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