12 Aug 2019

We Can’t Always Be Right, Right?

We Can't Always Be Right on vickiarcher.com


Why is it so hard for some to agree to disagree?

We talk beauty often and we talk about the products, the fixes and the less obvious ways to lead a beautiful and enriched life. Can we touch on what isn’t such a pretty trait and what is something I think we could focus on more?


Some men and women feel the need to be right most of the time, regardless of whether they are or not. There is a need for their opinions to be re-enforced, to be agreed with as if this validates them in some way. A lack of self-confidence or a feeling of insecurity could be the reason but I don’t understand why there are some who can’t “live and let live”. I am not suggesting we should lack opinions, be weak or passive; I am suggesting if we believe something to be true or right for us, we should stick with it.


Self-confidence does allow us to follow our hearts and do what feels right, despite opinions sometimes to the contrary. Embracing our own opinions is not a reason to presume or demand others to adopt them. An affirmation from others does not necessarily mean we are right – it can make us feel better about us – but it is not a reason to devalue an alternative viewpoint.


Take the example of grey hair.

It is such a contentious subject and why it makes such a great forum for discussion.

I agree to disagree on the subject but there are some who can’t. They are 100% either way; it’s a must or it’s a total disaster.

Does it really matter? Can’t we be encouraging to those who want to take the step and appreciative of those who don’t?



I am suggesting here we need to learn to listen;  we need to reach beyond the obvious and feel what drives those contrary opinions. It doesn’t mean we need to alter our own but have sensitivity and respect for our adversaries. Trying to talk someone around, forcing them to agree when they don’t is far from an elegant approach to controversy.


Is the need for endorsement more of a female response? Do we women seek reinforcement to boost our self-confidence? If others follow our lead and do as we do, does that make us feel better about us? xv




Can We All Agree On Pink?

lela rose floral dress  ||  ted baker shirtdress  ||  nike air max 97 in chalk  ||  all saints crossbody  ||  charlotte tilbury lipstick in lost cherry




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12 Comments

alexis

Very well said Vicki! It is so tiresome to have to be right, not to mention a conversation killer.

Reply
Linda B

What a fascinating topic, Vicki! Personally, I think I sometimes err too much the other way–trying on other people’s opinions, at least momentarily, rather than sticking to what I know to be true for me. That is perhaps the key–we can try to be true to ourselves and what our own truth is, but also allow others to have their own truth, right? Unless it is one of those rare situations of clear moral ground–and those truly are rare.

As for the color pink–I have found that my relationship with that hue has ebbed and strengthened in my life, repeatedly! I do love to be around it in some way almost always though, whether it is just an accent color or a whole ensemble, or maybe just something in my home environment. This makes me think I need a bouquet of pink roses. . . Yay for pink!

Reply
Vicki

So well put… “own truth”, I like that.. and yes clear moral ground is rare but does exist
Yes, to the pink roses please, Linda.. double the bunch :) :)

Reply
anitapelayorivera

I agree with pink on all levels! And I believe you are making such an important point here Vicki, to listen to others and be respectful. I don’t know how many times someone has tried to MAKE me see their way, especially when they are trying to tell me what to do with my art ambitions. We cannot force others to think they way we do and vice-versa. Learning to embrace the diversity of someone else unlike you is an art that must be skillfully master through good practice.

Reply
Vicki

So well said, Anita… I struggled a little trying to say what I wanted but you have articulated this perfectly… :) Thank you

Reply
Missi

Vicki, Great topic! On the way home from London, I watched the documentary about Ruth Bader Ginsberg. A fellow lawyer of hers was talking about Ms. Ginsberg being able to have friends on the other side of the political spectrum and how she could not. I am always disheartened when I hear people say they can’t be friends with people who don’t think like them. I feel like most of us can find common ground somewhere. I enjoy people of all walks and can usually find something interesting to talk about. I don’t know. It seems people can be so harsh these days, about a lot of things, even grey hair. :)

Reply
Vicki

Great comment, Missi,
Self-opinionated conversations are never interesting… it’s not difficult to listen, sometimes I even learn something ;)
I am looking forward to seeing this documentary.

Reply
Sheila-Merle Johnson

Brava! What a great topic. I used to have more of this trait in my youth. Now at 74, I find it easy to live and let others live their way. Over my life, I have found more men to exhibit this unfortunate trait than women. Maybe that was a thing of my generation and generations before me. In any case, life is much easier this way – this is part of Grace, I think. Thanks, @sheilamerle

Reply
Vicki

Thank you, Sheila- Merle
Yes… grace and understanding.. always ones to aspire to :)

Reply
Melanie Comins

Two of my favourite topics – Why people have to always be right? and Pink! 100% agree on pink. But then again I have always been a lover of the colour pink – it all started as a little girl with pink wallpaper, pink duvet, pink bedspreads not to mention the wardrobe and while the interiors have changed I still love a splash or more than a splash of pink in my wardrobe. Also don’t mind what so ever if others disagree with me on the subject of pink or anything else really. But I really do struggle terribly with people who “have to be right” all the time and are unwilling to “live and let live”. Just throwing it out there, but I feel it’s worse with the younger generation. Anyone else have any thoughts on this? :) Ps…I’m also inspired to now go out and fill the house with blushing pink roses. x

Reply
Vicki

I am not sure about the younger generation, I feel it is pretty prevalent in our own .. and yes to pink!
I had the childhood and teenage pink bedroom… and I just realized… I still do !! After years of everything else, I am back where I started :)

Reply

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