15 Aug 2015

Body Language: Do You Mean What You Say?

dior haute couture mark shaw

The right body language is hard to master.

We can say things we don’t mean and it is not always by speaking out of turn.

Being aware of our body language makes all the difference.

I know we “don’t” judge by appearance but in reality we often do. We might forget to smile, be caught unawares but it does not mean we are unhappy. How often we cross our arms out of habit and can appear forbidding? We aren’t, it is a way of feeling protected and comfortable. This kind of body language gives the wrong impression and sends unintentional messages of negativity. None of us want that.

Couples have their own dance, their own body language that makes them a team. Often the body language is an indicator of how together they really are.

Fidgeting is another mannerism that may be nothing more than a general nervousness but can be off-putting for others. Restlessness, jumping up and down, pacing and seemingly lacking in concentration are all movements that end up making me nervous and uncomfortable. Un-relaxed body language is off-putting and not something to seek out.

Then there is eye contact, or the lack of it. That is a body language I find very hard to manage. What does that mean? I take distant gazing to suggest insecurity; it is probably nothing more than a habit that has been left un-corrected.

And then there is posture.

Upright posture shows an engagement, an interest in present company whereas slouchy body language suggests the complete opposite.

How we dress is another form of body language.

The style we communicate tells our story. We are often judged for the “language” we wear. Appearances do not tell the whole truth but they contribute. It would be a glorious freedom to believe that the perception of others is of no importance; it is simply not the case. Professional, personal and emotional judgements are assessed through body language and appearance.

Good body language must be another best-kept beauty secret, xv.


i have loved this style of dress from cynthia steffe forever. a dress to wear anywhere and feel on top of the world. add a flash of red lipstick and some scalloped pumps and the body language is good to go.

if the heat is still a problem in your part of the world, there is a sleeveless version that is very pretty.

Dress In The Right Body Language

****cynthia steffe mixed knit dress  //  cynthia steffe fit and flare dress  //  chloe scalloped pumps

image by mark shaw for dior

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Anita Rivera

Again, another important and fun topic. And I needed to read this early this morning as I step out to have my first school meeting of the year. I must first watch MY body language to make sure I show that I am interested and willing and open to suggestions, critique, etc….I also have to remember to not allow other peoples’ body language make me feel bad. Maybe it’s just a habit when someone looks at me with an askewed way and not that they think I’m odd…..maybe it’s their own inability to accept something new or STRANGE to them!

AND…I saw a quote the other day that hit me:


Now that is timely as school starts. Enjoy a lovely London summer day, Vicki! Anita

david terry

Oh, Vicki…..your posting made me recall (for the first time in decades), DH Lawrence’s description of a apprehensive woman’s nervously “tossing her eyes down the street before she entered” (some house where a party’s going on).

The Italian countess (fluent in English, but rather too literal in her translations) who’s there begins to laugh and laugh, and none of the English folks can figure out why.

My best “body language” anecdote?……

Context: My college friend, Charlie, was the son of a senator who was well-known for both his political accomplishments and his many (five, as I recall) marriages. One day, Charlie and I were sitting at lunch with the girlfriend of another close friend (neither of us actually liked her much) when Charlie began grimacing from across the table…..squinting his eyes, making nervous gestures with his hands, shifting his legs around, stretching his mouth in a grotesque grin, etcetera.

The unpopular new girlfriend (who wasn’t, actually, very bright, although quite pretty in a brittle way) sat back and said “What is THAT all about?”

Charlie immediately shifted back into his normal posture/body-language, raised his eyebrows, and cooly said “Oh…..THAT?…..Don’t worry……it’s just the look my stepmothers give each when they’re in the same room……..”

So, yes once again right, Vicki…..body language can reveal a L-O-T………

Level Best as Ever,
David Terry

The Enchanted Home

Posture and eye contact have been drilled into me ever since I was a very young girl…so important! Hope you are well and enjoying these last weeks of summer…..


Have heard “Stand up straight” from my Mother since a little girl!!
One just naturally has more self confidence! Enjoy the weekend Vicki!

The Arts by Karena
Artist Nicoletta Belletti

Kim ????

Hello Vicki,
In Psychological speak there are 4 or so determinations of the way we stand and walk.
This determine subliminally who we attract/or not. Just one of the many pathways we give ourselves away…
Eye contact, I have to work on.. I find I’m empathic so I’ll take on the other peoples stuff and nonsense if I’m not careful.
Great post Vicky…

Beeta @ Mon Petit Four

What a wonderful topic with such truth. I think often the best way to show just how much negative body language can make a difference in your impression of somebody is to just look at the opposite side of the spectrum: someone with fabulous body language. They’re happy, enthusiastic, glowing, warm, friendly, nurturing, charming….all without saying one word! And people often find themselves attracted to these people and flock to them like magnets, wanting to experience just an ounce of their confidence and positivity. I love this post as it reminds us to become more aware of our own body language and correct any unintentional signals we may be giving. Thanks Vicki! :)


Great read! I’ve often wondered also about walking! I read many years ago that walking slower allows others ( especially men! )to take a mental picture, whereas if you’re walking so fast, that picture will be a blur! -g- But, I’ve noticed chest walkers , women looking down ( and I often wonder what they’re looking for on the ground!-g-) and then there’s that occasional woman who walks with her hips
forward just a little bit and is a delight to watch. I wonder how the french woman approaches this??


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