The “At-Home” Diaries: Disappointment

As we prepare to stay at home and distance ourselves socially one of the biggest challenges is a disappointment. A radical change in life such as the spread of this virus inevitably leads to change and not all are changes we want to face. Most friends and families I know are making sacrifices in order to stay safe and care for their families. Businesses are under threat, celebrations cancelled and holidays are now a figment of our imaginations. They may be decisions not in our control but this makes them no less hard to take.

Disappointment has always been a bitter bill.

The older I am the more I understand what disappointment means and how to navigate my way through; I am familiar with this sunken, pervading feeling that is difficult to shake. The “why me” and “why did it have to happen now” sensations; the blame and the tears when our hearts are sorely bruised. And the lack of understanding. What did I do wrong? I can pick myself up, reset and move on; I fear it is not so easy for younger or more vulnerable people who have had less life experience.

Disappointment has no favourites, it chooses randomly with a hidden agenda and no regular timetable.

We made the difficult decision to postpone our daughter’s imminent wedding, as have many others with similar celebrations – if I could shoulder their sadness entirely, I would. All the “we had no choice’ and “it’s beyond our control” doesn’t make the decision any sweeter.

How do we handle disappointment and navigate our way through?

Practice understanding and know exactly what is at stake. Saving lives and being on board with our communities in this endeavour is the most important reason of all. Remember and make reminders when the “feeling sorry” slides in.

Think ahead to the future but plan some feel-good moments for the short term. Enjoy the small and precious parts of life that are available. Being at home, in our castles, can be a joy and moments to be cherished. How long ago were we complaining about being rushed and having too much to do?

Acceptance as much as we can kick and scream against it is the way forward. Understand what is happening in our world, follow the relevant protocols and remember others as much as we can. Maybe we aren’t the first line of fire, but someone’s beloved mother or grandfather is. There doesn’t have to be a quantifiable reason, stuff happens. Fullstop.

It’s not personal and the universe is not conspiring against us – we are never alone in our disappointments. All of us are making tough decisions right now to safeguard the future; that’s the silver lining.

Seize the day, enjoy the flipside of what didn’t happen and make something positive come from it. The trip of dreams has cancelled but that doesn’t mean something better is not brewing. Stay hopeful.

Push hard and smash down disappointment, no wallowing; it’s not a feeling we want to encourage. Give it the due it deserves but make it short and sweet.

We are in this together, we all have major disappointments to deal with but they won’t define us. Let’s mourn them and move on fast. xv