8 May 2019

The Grey Diaries: The Grey Buddy

The Grey Diaries: The Grey Buddy on vickiarcher.com

Do you have a grey buddy?

I’m not meaning BFF, a partner in crime, gal pal, bestie or confidant; I’m talking a grow-in-the-grey buddy. Let’s say grow IN rather than grow OUT, as it’s an entirely new and exciting challenge and chapter.

It helps to enjoy this “grey” process rather than stress about how the hair is looking and the best way to do this is with a buddy. I had a couple of friends who journeyed with me and I have a couple now that I am encouraging on their “silver voyage”. Like any task requiring stamina, willpower and desire it helps to have moral support. It makes all the difference.

It’s not the same to have role models.

This is important – photographs or online images to aspire to and admire – but it is a secondary aid.

Having a real friend go through exactly the same feelings and emotions is the true value. You probably won’t experience the highs and lows at the same time but you will understand how to help when they hit. Growing in the grey is a very different process to dealing with the grey once it is a full head. Mine is well and truly established and yet I still rely on friends to keep me on the straight and narrow; the same with the length.

A grey buddy is the one who makes the doubts disappear. It’s their voice we hear when the noise around is screaming, “old”, “older” “aging”.  A debatable point and whether or not a grey head of hair is aging are up to the individual. It’s not about the age we “look”, it is about the age we “feel”. As a card-carrying devotee of the silver, I feel more energized, youthful and together than I ever did with the Technicolour of dye I wore for so many decades.

Truthfulness is a quality for the grey buddy. Without that, it won’t work. The same goes for trust; we need to know what we hear is the truth. Like the woman who says an outfit looks “fabulous’ when we know it is downright dreadful; the grey buddy has to be 100% believed and believable.

They may not be the college roommate or childhood best friends; a grey buddy may well be someone you don’t “know” all that well. We can enjoy different interests with different people and maybe this “grey buddy” is just that, a friend to talk hair with.

All the self-confidence in the world helps but I don’t believe it makes going grey a breeze. Perhaps it is easier and less confronting for women who don’t set store in their appearance or consider it worthy of their time. Is it less confronting for physically beautiful women? I doubt that. My instinct tells me, regardless of looks or personality, it is a challenge for all women who want to take the leap.

If embracing the silver is on the to-do list try it with a friend, it truly helps. xv

White Is The Best Grey Buddy

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Oh Vicki, what a brilliant idea! Hmmm….I see another book for you on the horizon! Have you thought about documenting this gray journey as a book?

You are inspiring me to find a gray buddy. I am loving my hair as it has this “gunmetal gray” look to it with a few silver strands. But to go it alone is half the fun. OK, gotta go find a friend who is willing to go with me…


It makes all the difference :) but I’m always here in the virtual world .. ha ha

Sally Emerson

Vicki, I have to say that I have had these same thoughts as I grew out my gray several years ago at my husband’s request (!). My mother and sister were totally against it as they are both “bottle” redheads. I think that YOU have been my best gray buddy along the way and especially on the length issue. I am not silver-more of an “ash gray” and I have let it grow long after the last blonde was cut off. I just think it looks great and thank you so much for being my gray buddy!!


It’s so nice to have a friend to walk through a new journey with, who gets how it feels. You have beautiful hair whatever the color!! :)

I am so happy for you and the grandchild soon to arrive. I’m in baby mode with Harry and Meghan showing off their little boy today.

Michelle à Détroit

Oh how lovely, Vicki-the grey and awaiting the new baby! Best wishes to you and your family.
I’d like to overcome my husband’s terror of change before I take the leap. It’s easy for him. He has a shaved head and thus doesn’t have any hair color concerns!

Beth M.

Love all the hair photos you post: mine’s almost that long, and almost that gray, and I’m loving it so much! You’re definitely one of my hair friends, or hair inspirations, at least!


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