How To Say No? Can You?

No, two small letters that mean so much more.

I think saying no is one of the hardest jobs. It is so much easier to agree or to equivocate, to put off or to say yes because the alternative is that much harder.

Aren’t women particularly guilty when we come to this?

I know I am. Whether I don’t like saying no or I feel I am being mean and small minded or suffer from a lack of self-confidence; whichever way I look at it, no is a tough call.

I want to be better at sayng no.

No is a good word, a word that can be empowering. Saying no does not have to be petulant or disagreeable, no can be practical and therapeutic. We know this word needs to enter our vocabulary but how do we re-train ourselves not to be permanent crowd pleasers?

How To Say No

Accept that it is okay to say no. We need to realise that we won’t be thought worse of if we can’t always be accommodating. Other people manage the negative very successfully and we do not think badly of them. I know I don’t and I am sure you feel the same; actually I respect their strength.

Understand our limitations; time management is important. I was often the one who squeezed too many moments into the day only to be left with not enough time to do anything well. Now I try and take a reasonable approach, one that is possible and sustainable and that automatically means sometimes saying, no.

Be honest. Don’t do what you really don’t want if there is no good reason. We do a million things day-to-day that we don’t like that is different. Those we have control over are the ones I am talking about. How many times do we end up committing to a less than attractive engagement because we failed to say, no? My hand is up.

Confidence is the one personal quality that can help us with, no. Self-confidence stops no from becoming a ‘bad’ negative with sensitive repercussions. Confidence makes for secure reasoning and resulting strength of character especially if our no does not receive a positive reaction.

Calm, a calm personality helps. Having a calm mind is one quality I admire in friends. Those women who make everything appear effortless because they are serene. We know there is nothing in this world that is effortless and yet a calm demeanour gives that appearance. Calm and quiet often results in more considered decisions and a no when needed.

It is ok to put ourselves first? Did I write that? Women are so often martyrs (in the most wonderful way) but is it healthy for us to neglect ourselves in favour of what we think we should be doing? A no can go along way to righting that wrong.

Practise makes perfect. Try no and see how it feels. Say no to that not-so-important work function and stay home, watch a movie with the feet up and see how very good a no can be.