Say One Thing: Mean Another

Reflecting on how we can say one thing but really mean another is thought provoking. I break it down into two; when we mean something entirely different and when we talk in a negative fashion rather than face what is really troubling us.

We, women, are the masters of riddles.

I don’t see it as intentional or manipulative but rather more that I’m not ready to say what I really mean or I’m working up to it. There are small and large “confusions”. Small could be considered the little white lie; large could be a complete fabrication.

Either way, we can mislead for many reasons.

Saying one thing and meaning another is a common habit. Confused meanings are more than likely about a lack of interpersonal skills and self-confidence. When we say the opposite to what we really mean it may have something to do with insecurity. Think of the “mean girls” in school, the all too familiar bully who strikes razor sharp with the sarcastic comments. Those kinds of “compliments’ or suggestions are very often the opposite of what the words suggest. How easy it is to cover inadequacies by preying on others more susceptible.

Much of the time we say what we think someone wants to hear, not what we honestly feel. They hear what they want and we receive positive reinforcement but when we say one thing and mean another it doesn’t do the recipient or us much good. Truthfulness is far more meaningful. I’m not suggesting we live life with no filter but find the balance.

Saying what we mean, without nuance or loaded intent is an admirable skill.

And we say one thing and mean another more often than we realise.

Then there are those who deflect their troubles onto others.

Haven’t we all been at the hand of what we consider “unfair’ criticism only to understand later the “tirade” was really not about us but a different problem entirely? How easy it is to rant and rave about one thing when we know we are really boiling about something completely different.  Having-a-bad-day can manifest in many ways and in particular by taking it out elsewhere. Aren’t we all a little guilty of that?

This is where I find the giving of a compliment can help.

A dark mood may see fault all around but seeing the good keeps the disappointment, anger and upset where it belongs – with us. If it’s our problem then we need to find the solution.  Criticising for no true reason is unfair and in the long term will only make us unhappier. When we offer negative suggestions or comments we should ask ourselves if it is truly how we feel and is it justified. xv